Shyam: Da! we got an Idea.
I: Who is “we”?
Shyam: You and me.
I: Oh!
Shyam: Da, lets drive from Delhi to Bangalore. We will do it in December, I have done the research on the route, things to see, places to stay and all... Perreria and nishu have agreed to come...
I: Wow!! drive from Delhi to Bangalore, wow! But what about the car?
Shyam: heh heh, its actually nishu's Idea. His parents are retiring and he has to bring the car back to Bangalore.
I: Oh yeah! I remember his email. Ok, man I will ask my manager for the leave right away... wow! I am so exited.... we rock dude!
Shyam: Control your “gay” attitude and get the leave now!
I: Ok, ok. Hold on machu, I will talk to him right away.
Suddenly, a thunderbolt hits Wipro campus and a certain engineer turns into a slimeball just like that!!
Slimeball slides up to the slimeball's manager.
Slimeball: Manager, manager could you give me a weeks leave during December?
Manager: No way! I am sending you to the U.S during that time. No leave!
Slimeball: What!!!! To the U.S of A where the blonde's live!!!
Manager(dreamy look in his eyes): Yes and please get off my boots!
Tring Tring!
Shyam picks up the phone and hears the following dialogue followed by a click.
“YOU DIRTY INDIAN!!!!” you can go to Delhi yourself, I am going to the U.S in search of my destiny.
The next call was to my mother.
Me: Woman!!! all your prayers have come to naught and I am finally going to the U.S of A.
Amma: What!!! “Entae velankanni mathaave! chathicho!!!*” How can you let my stupid irresponsible son go to that immoral country, where his corrupted mind will find fertile ground! Dont worry son, I will burn a hundred candles to stop this.
Me: What!!! don't you dare!!
The following months passed in ecstatic expectation. Fortunately my mothers prayers went unanswered and on a cool December night, I was all ready to fly. As is the custom in my family, before any long journey, there was a prayer said.
Amma: Hail Mary, full of grace....
Not to be left behind, I also said a prayer.
Oh Lord, make the blondes promiscuous,
The latino’s volptous
The blacks luscious
The chinese sensuous
and keep far away, the Indians!
I know, I am asking too much, but hey! Thats why we call you “God” God.
Thus, without much drama, I boarded the flight(Airbus A-380!!!) and reached NY.
Interview with the immigration official at the port of entry
Immigration official: Reason for visit?
Me: Fun fun fun…err I mean, to work in the U.S of A
IO: Your relationship with Al-quaeda?
Me: They intend to bomb the blondes…. I intend to bang the blondes. Erm... I mean we don’t have any ‘relationship’ as such.
IO: What is your opinion about the Iraq war?
Me: Your bomb to democracy strategy.... wow! what an Idea sirjee!
IO: It says your religion is “Syrian Catholic” what is your nefarious relationship with the Syrians?
Me: The patriarch of Antioch is a good man, I however, follow the Pope.
IO: Ok, One final question. How many kilometers from Washington DC to Miami Beach?
Me (Happy tears in my eyes!): "ha!ha!ha! I am the answer...Kilometers and kilometers.. in these days of degenerating decency of Miami beach to Washington DC when diplomacy and supercity become interchangeable from complicated America to America!!**"
IO(Happy tears in his eyes!): Welcome to the U.S son, Welcome Welcome!!
For those of you who would like to contact me while I am here. The address is provided below.
24/7 (read 24 “bar” 7)
Strip (and search) club
Hottie babes road
Sin city
Pin 666-666
For those doubting Thomases out there...
* Oh! My sweet mother Mary!
** Old Mohanlal movie dialogue.
41 comments:
ROTFL!! nice to see you back with a bang!!
so you got calls yet from home already asking what you ate..drank..people who met..people who didnot meet...nearby church...fellow mallu bonding etc..;-D
and that mrayer was heights..hehe..
That was hilarious!! So now we know the reason for the long silence! Someone was very busy! :p
LOL.... Howlarious post!It's my first visit to your blog btw...
Enjoy the visit and atb for the...errr.... projects. Incidentally, candles have become prohibitively expensive over the last few months.... now I know!
Mathew: Thanks. Hmm... you seem to be an expert... those are the EXACT questions I got.
Silverine: Enna cheyyana pengalae sayippe is giving me too much work!
Zahra: First of all, thanks for the comment! B.T.W what does "Zahra" mean?? I think, she is building a church these days as candles have proved very ineffective...:)
haha!! No wonder it took you this long to update!:))So are the blondes and latinos being kind to you??!:))))
Primitive Lyric: I am unable to view your blog any more.. it says by invitation only!!!
Well, what can I say, America is not just Baywatch...:)
Primitive lyric: abrahammenacherry@gmail.com is my email
"..building a church these days..." ROTFL!! :-D Mothers never give up hope, do they? As to what 'Zahra' means, you'll find the answer here...
http://soulcurryandfilterkaapi.blogspot.com/2008/06/oru-zimble-jeevacharitram-part-1.html
(Blatant self-promotion, I know....)
well that's the most decent looking petrol attendant i have seen in years , ;)
nice write up though
Anon
Lol... grt post!! Avide "fun" okke nadakundo? ;)
appo thirchu vannu elle... but u missed the trip buddy..... nice post as usual... and well of course say hi to the telgu guy(s).. firends " well read it ias blondes... :)
Mothers esp our nadan mothers are all cut from the same cloth....where we see opportunity they see grave danger;-D
And I second anon's comment;-D
:D
IO: Ok, One final question. How many kilometers from Washington DC to Miami Beach?
Me (Happy tears in my eyes!): "ha!ha!ha! I am the answer...Kilometers and kilometers.. in these days of degenerating decency of Miami beach to Washington DC when diplomacy and supercity become interchangeable from complicated America to America!!**"
IO(Happy tears in his eyes!): Welcome to the U.S son, Welcome Welcome!!Awesome :D
u ditched me...
n yeah just to tell u the previous anonymous post was mine...
oops sorry, I though I would miss the name again... hehe..
myashu
Very funny indeed.
Loved your prayer :-)
I am glad the Immigration Officer did not say 'get out house!' in Jagathy style.
Cheers,
Salil
how abt to adding a line to change me to a sexy "mthrFakar" (read black with jamaican accent) in your prayers!!!!
Time to update..Time to update!:))
hii Abe..
Looks like you had a good time, if 'you' are back as full Abe or sheenichu thalarna Abe, after all the hectic schedule in the US :)
I can imagine what ur mom must have gone thro, paavam :)))
Cheers :)
Oh you Prodigal and promiscuous son!! Its time to come back to India!!;)
Fist time reading...found your writing very innovative and hilarious!
Will keep reading!
*nudges you*
Update will you!! Can't blv the blondes have all your attention. Spare some time and write will you?:)))
hey there,
you've been tagged!
http://onthepiccadilly.blogspot.com/
Howz the New Year treating U;-D????
Wishing u a wonderful year ahead!!!
p.s: u've been awarded with a tag:-)
Ha ha ....How many kilometers from Washington DC to Miami Beach?
I have not seen the movie, but saw that particular clip on utube. Hilarious.
By the way I am not a doubting Thomas, but isn't that the petrol pump at Ramoji studio in Hyderabad.
nice!!! :)
Hero....how are u, where are u???
Was going thru an old post when I saw ur comment & thot I'll find out how my ex blog-dost is doing;-D
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