Saturday, January 3, 2009

Green Peace and New Year Resolutions

Resolutions, I avoid like the plague, they are not meant for fickle minded people like me who should be put to sea, that their business might be everything and their intent everywhere.

But then, the flesh is weak and this year, against my better judgment I have resolved to learn cooking. (Wipe that dumb smile off your face, will you!).

Scene 1 - Camera rolling.
Camera man: What’s all this bloody smoke, I can’t see a thing! Is this cooking or smokescreen for shooting “I am a disco dancer!”.
Me (Sheepish grin): Err… I put the wrong oil I Think.
CM: what did you put?
Me: Was blue in color… come to think of it, could be kerosene
CM: Bloody hell!!!!!

Scene 2 – Frantic call home.
Me: Amme I have added the salt and pepper… now what?
Amma: let it fry for a minute.
Me (after a minute): It stuck to the bottom!! Why did you ask me to wait so long? You are so dumb amma!
Amma: Oh Really! That’s strange….. did you not add two cups of water initially like I told you to?
Me: ermm.. ummm…. Cant hear you….. bad line.. screech screech!! CUT!

Scene 3 –
Me: Search for ചെറുപയറു തോരന്‍ (green gram whatever)
Computer: Two recipes found!
Me: Click number 1
Computer: Add one cup of green gram to blah blah blah…

Two hours, 3 smoke alarms, 2 fires and one bad curry later.
Me (Thinking): What went wrong??? Let me check it with Amma.
Me: I made ചെറുപയറു തോരന്‍ today, this is how I did it… blah blah. But for some reason it went wrong!
Amma: Forget the thoran, how did the last one turn out, eh?
Me: I am asking you a q here!! Focus on it, will you!
Amma: Ok big shot, shoot your q!
Me: What did I do wrong with the thoran?
Amma: You seem to have done it right… hmmm did you soak the green gram overnight/boil it at least once in water?
Me: No! didn’t say anything about soaking.
Amma: You idiot! Even a 5 year old knows that you can’t add raw green grams to make thoran!! It would be so hard to bite.
Me: I am not a 5 year old you know!! CUT!!

Scene 4 – The ego swallow.
Me: Ammae…. Its me again…heh heh.
Amma: Oh! The snob is back! Thought you didn’t want any more advice from your poor old mom.
Me: നല്ല അമ്മ അല്ലഏ ഒന്നു കൂടി പറഞ്ഞേ (repeat please!)
Amma: hmm… well this is the last time I am going to repeat, so hear it proper, ok! You need to soak the gram for a night or boil it, add… blah blah.
Me: Got it!
Next day.
Amma: How did it go?
Me: Ever heard of paradise lost?
Amma: Speak no more!
Me: Ammae! How about cooking green peas?
Amma: What I want now is some green peace!!

P.S: I am selling some cooking pots, pans, plates, oil and rotten vegetables... real big discounts hurry hurry before offer closes. I need to buy some peace-of-mind though, know any good deal?


silverine said...

LOL!!! When you sell off the pots and pans and rotten vegetables, peace of mind will return to the house automatically! :))

Happy New Year! Never keep trying. :p

Shikha said...

true warriors never give in and never give up..that is until their roomies and neighbors interfere:)

Abraham said...

silverine: He he.. yeah, I think thats the solution after all...:D
Happy new year!

Shikha: I just hope they dont fry me!!...:D

Sandeep Raja said...

tried calling you to wish new year. anyway Happy New Year. howz thing in US? where are you in US?

Abraham Menacherry said...

Sandy: Happy new year to you too man!! I am in nj. are you in us now? if so, gimme your num.

N!$#@N^# said...

eda aby.. first lesson of cooking is never try cooking veg , it is too complicated.... cook only chicken cause enven a moron can cook good chicken.. :))

mathew said... are a lost cause...;-D

anyways wishing you a great year ahead...

Abraham Menacherry said...

Nishu: Hmm interesting advice.. I always thot that cooking non veg was tougher....

Mathew: He he... yep....:D

Vinu ( വിനു ) said...

അവിടെ ആകെ കൂടി ഒരു റി-ആര്‍ക്കിടെക്ചര്‍ ആണല്ലെ !

Abraham Menacherry said...

vinu: he he.. athe athe. Mothathil oru re-architecture.

Reflections said...

LOL.....pacha samadhanam huh!!!
So is there any improvement now....??????

Anooja said...

Abe.. did u really try cooking??
I am still laughing :D

Anooja said...

Abe.. did u really try cooking??
I am still laughing :D

Better solution... get married...would save u the trouble of making STD calls to mom.. just ask ur wife ;-)

Happy New Year...

Abraham Menacherry said...

Reflections: Not really, It can still be aired as a comedy show...:D

Anooja: Yeah.. makes sense, but these days, I think I will still have to cook even after I get married...

Reflections said...

Hello...not to be seen????

Jinu George said...

LOL!! I made the same mistake once...Forgot to soak the beans...I eventually ate it myself..;) Didnt give it to hubby..Or else I would have had to hear sarcastic comments for the rest of my life! Finally I learnt the trick of payar throan from M-I-L..Truly...paradise lost!! Try some chammanti with it..Its better than pot!!

Jinu George said...

By the way I think its the same recipie I looked up on the internet..Got to give some royally 'good' reviews on that recipie!!

Reflections said...

U r tagged:-D!!!!!!!!!!!

stillwaters said...

Hi! Looong time.. From the comments I figured ur away at the "land of the free and home of the brave".. Hope ur having fun..

Keep posting...

PS: just in case u ever wanna try ur hand at cooking again, get a pressure cooker and u can cook pyarr even without soaking..just add enough water and after 3-4 whistles (on low flame), it should be perfect.. ;)

tessiewrites said...

why this kind of a resolution when there is a plenty of other options like
a) I shall consume all the alcohol I can this year year... etc which can be fulfiled???
Happy New yEar btw ( better late....!!) :D

Reflections said...

Come on!!!!!!

work cant be occupying all ur time;-/

High time u posted something!!!!!

Primitive Lyric said...


POST will you?

Abraham Menacherry said...

Reflections: Well, at last I've posted after a long dry spell..:)

Stillwaters: I bought the cooker, but my cooking is still a fiasco.

tessie: Yeah... next year, something like that.

Primitive Lyric: I cant access your blog!!! what happened??

Primitive Lyric said...

I have to add you to the list of people who can access it!:)) I'm suddenly feeling very shy about leaving it open to the public. Give me your mail id and i'll add it to the list!

Anonymous said...

I know the fate was little late on us to give me jaundice and finally kicking the pulimada cooking... :P
From my gulf experience :P I would have taught u atleast to make a pulisherry... ;)